What is consent

Consent starts with everyday communication. For some people, asking for consent can feel awkward at first. But the truth is that most of us already practice consent in our everyday lives—whether we're asking before giving someone a hug, borrowing a friend's belongings, sharing a photo of someone online, sharing someone else's contact information, or checking in to make sure someone is comfortable.

We all communicate and express consent differently. Our understanding of consent is shaped by our cultural and social contexts, family values, lived experiences, identities, and the messages we've received about relationships and boundaries.

Because people have different experiences, identities, values, and communication styles, we cannot assume what someone is comfortable with. Practicing consent means communicating openly, checking in, and respecting each person's boundaries and choices.

Consent and SFU policy

To learn more about how the SFU's Sexualized Violence Policy (GP 44) defines consent, visit here.

Consent and Sexual Activity

Just as consent is important in our everyday interactions, it is essential in the context of sexual activity.

Consent is a mutual, ongoing process of clear and voluntary communication that ensures everyone freely chooses to participate in sexual activity and feels respected, safe, and comfortable.

It is never assumed, it must be given freely, and it can be withdrawn at any time.

Remember, consent is:

Freely Given

Consent is given voluntarily, without pressure, manipulation, coercion, or fear or the misuse of power or authority.

Example: Alex asks, "Would you like to kiss?" Sam says, "Yes," because they genuinely want to, not because they feel obligated.

Clear and Informed

Consent is communicated clearly, and everyone understands what they are agreeing to. People communicate in different ways. Some individuals, including some neurodivergent people, may prefer direct, explicit communication rather than relying on hints, implied meaning, or non-verbal cues. Asking clear questions and checking in verbally can help ensure everyone understands and agrees to what is happening.

Example: Jamie asks, "Would you like to be intimate tonight? We can take things slowly, and if you're not comfortable with anything, just let me know." Cass replies, "Yes, I'd like that. I'd like to take things slowly."

Ongoing

Consent is a continuous conversation. Checking in helps ensure everyone remains comfortable, especially since comfort levels may change over time. Rather than relying on body language alone, practise asking and check-ins.

Example : Alex and Sam begin kissing. A few minutes later, Alex asks, "How are you feeling? Do you want to keep going?" Sam says, "Yes." They continue.

Specific to Each Activity

Agreeing to one activity does not mean agreeing to others.

Example: Someone agrees to kissing but says they don't want to engage in any other sexual activity. Their decision is respected.

Reversible at Any Time

Anyone can change their mind, even after saying "yes." or the activity has already started.

Example: Someone who has had consensual sex with their partner before decides they don't want to have sex tonight. Their previous consent does not mean they have always have to say yes to sexual activity.

Capacity to Consent

A person must have the capacity to make an informed and voluntary decision. Someone who is asleep, unconscious, or incapacitated by alcohol, drugs, or another condition cannot give consent.

Examples:

Someone who is asleep or has passed out cannot consent to sexual activity.
A person who is too intoxicated to understand what is happening or communicate their choices cannot give consent.

Consent Is NOT...

✘ Silence or uncertainty

✘ Pressure, guilt, coercion or power pressure

✘ Given when someone is asleep, unconscious, or incapacitated by alcohol or drugs to make decisions

✘ Assumed because of a previous relationship or past consent

Verbal and non-verbal examples of sexual consent

Non-verbal cues should never replace clear communication. When in doubt, ask.

Body language can provide helpful context, but it should never replace clear communication. People express themselves differently, and non-verbal cues can be interpreted in many ways. Consent is a mutual process, when in doubt, communicate, ask questions, and make space for everyone’s boundaries and choices.

Check In

Healthy communication helps ensure everyone feels safe and respected.

"Is this okay?"
"Do you want to keep going?"
"It's okay to change your mind."
"Is this okay?"

Remember: The best way to know what someone wants is to ask, listen, and respect their response.

Respecting a “No"

A "no," "I'm not sure," or unclear response is not something to negotiate. Respecting boundaries is part of practicing consent.

Consent is a shared process, and a “no” is not something to negotiate or take personally, instead it is an opportunity to listen and respond with care.

If you are in the middle of sexual activity, and someone expresses they want to stop, stop and check in with the other person. Everyone has the right to change their mind at any time.

You might say:  

“We don’t have to do that. I don’t want to pressure you to do anything you don’t want to.” 
“I respect that. Thanks for letting me know.” 
“Would you be open to doing something else?" 
“It seems like you don’t want to do this and I’m totally fine with that.” 
“No worries. If you change your mind, let me know.” 
"Thanks for telling me. Do you want to talk about it?

Need Support?

Whether you have questions, concerns about your boundaries being respected, or would like to learn more about consent, support is available.

📞 778-782-7233
📧 sv-support@sfu.ca

Zoom Drop-In Hours:

Mondays & Thursdays: 10:30 a.m. - 12:30 p.m.
Tuesdays & Wednesdays: 1:30 p.m. - 3:30 p.m.

In-Person West Mall Centre (WMC) 1301
Monday-Friday, 9:00 a.m. - 4:30 p.m.

Continue Learning

Understanding consent is an important part of creating safer campuses and healthier relationships.

Explore our self-paced Canvas module, Safer Campuses for Everyone to:

Learn practical consent skills
Develop active bystander intervention strategies
Understand the impacts of sexualized violence
Access additional support and resources

#ConsentMattersSFU happens on the third week of September each year.  Consent Matters Week is an opportunity to explore how consent, communication, respect, and care contribute to healthier relationships and communities. The campaign aims to foster a culture of consent, care, and respect across SFU and FIC by increasing awareness of consent, promoting healthy relationships, and connecting community members with resources and support.

Sexual Violence Support & Prevention Office